Remember this, sweetness? This is back when you were still kinda blond. We could call this: Your Fun Period.

The Hollywood Reporter is confirming posts elsewhere on the web saying Universal, in a fit of stupidity, wants to produce a film called "Dracula Year Zero," "rebooting" the "Dracula myth", with Sam Worthington starring. (If I wanted to get really bitchy with the sarcastic quotations, I could write "starring," but I'm taking advice from Coco this week and trying to be less cynical. Sorta.)

In other words, Laura called it a couple of weeks ago: Sam Worthington is becoming Gerard Butler, which means soon he'll be in a romantic comedy playing a New Zealander with a peculiarly high-pitched version of his native accent, because his interpretation of a Kiwi accent means stepping on your own nuts. Or, he'll play Mr. Mistoffelees in the film version of Cats, which will star everyone else who can sing except him.

...I can't be the only one who sat through Dracula 2000, seriously. SPOILER DRACULA WAS JUDAS SPOILER. That was seriously a spoiler.

Ridiculous rant after the jump.

Continue reading "Dear Sam Worthington: Please Fire Your Agent. Out of a Cannon. (Into a wall.)" »

The other day it was reported that the Spider-Man film franchise would be rebooted, and I, huge Spidey geek that I am, blogged about it and tried to remain optimistic. I knew that a rant was forming though, not specifically because of the news itself, but because of how the whole thing is just another example of a film studio completely missing the point. My annoyance was further fueled by reading this post at EW.com, which stated:

This time around, the series will place Peter Parker in a more contemporary setting, as a teenager battling today’s issues. The decision to go with an origin story stemmed from Sony developing two Spidey projects simultaneously. According to studio insiders, Sony was working on both Raimi’s Spider-Man 4 and the new origin story from James Vanderbilt, who wrote Zodiac. The original plan was to keep the Spider-Man gang together for one last film in 2011 before rebooting the series in 2012. When it became clear that Raimi would not be able to make the summer 2011 release date planned for Spider-Man 4, the studio opted to scrap Spider-Man 4 altogether, and focus solely on the series reboot.

Furthermore, according to EW, "the studio [is] interested in a more gritty, contemporary redo of the series." Did I not just say in my last post that I didn't want to see a gritty Spider-Man movie? And did I miss something where Sam Raimi's movies were some sort of period piece? Do kids today not live in crappy New York City apartments and have bosses who are jerks? Have teenage boys stopped having crushes on pretty girls? Are we going to get to see Gwen Stacy die? Is the new movie going to be all about terrorists and bomb threats in the high school? I'd just like to get an idea of what exactly is meant by contemporary.

Continue reading "Among the Many Reasons I Go to the Movies Less and Stay at Home Watching TCM More" »

After a lot of drama in the past few weeks, it was reported today that director Sam Raimi would be walking away from the Spider-Man franchise, and taking Tobey Maguire with him, leading to a decision by Sony to reboot the franchise with a script by original Spider-Man 4 scribe, Jamie Vanderbilt, and a director to be named later. Hopefully, this means I no longer have to fear seeing Anne Hathaway in a bad, platinum blond wig. Sadly, it also means I won't get to see John Malkovich, the scariest actor alive, fly around with goofy green wings and a feathery, white collar. It definitely means no more of Kirsten Dunst's annoyingly dreary Mary Jane Watson, which should, at least, be the one thing we can all agree is reason to rejoice. Maybe now Maguire and Dunst can join James Franco in the cast of General Hospital.

Continue reading "Rebooted Spidey in 2012, If We're Still Around to See It" »

Hey, guess what happens when there's no podcast for a while? You folks get chat transcripts. It's like the low-fi version of the podcast.

Brenda
So, I am watching Bootmen on my iPod now. (Bootmen is available on iTunes for $5.99)

Laura
Yeah, I doubt I'd actually want to pay for that though.

Brenda
I will of course force you to watch it the next time I see you, much like I did Rogue. You don't know what's good for you. Only I know. I have the cure, and the prescription is: more attractive Australian men.

(more chat after the jump)

Continue reading "Tapdancing Crocs and Nuclear Dingoes" »

This one time, there was a robot show. It was a robot show that I liked very much. It was a robot show I wrote about on this very site. It was a robot show that never had the chance to disappoint me with some bullshit about angels, because this robot show was cancelled before that could happen.

It was a show with hot robots, like that other show, but more importantly, it was a show with Garret Dillahunt as a robot, and also that girl from Garbage with the hair and the accent.

In short, it was an awesome show, and lately I've come to resent its being cancelled. Again. Yes, it's time for my quarterly "FOX is the devil and they took away my robots" rant. Here we go:

Continue reading "THIS ONE TIME, THERE WAS A ROBOT SHOW" »